Digital Marketing for Dummkopfs

Posted on: July 25, 2018, by :

Digital marketing, like the Ebola virus, is here to stay. It’s been around long enough now that there are some basic rules that marketers should know by heart and be able to recite when marching around the boardroom of clients. For digital marketers who may have been in a coma for the past ten years, here’s a refresher course:


Web design


After developing the web code (not to be confused with a code in the head — which requires nothing more than kleenex and Nyquil) the next step is to develop a decent web design. This is usually done with wallpaper and formatting — always keeping in mind that subliminal messages like “Buy this or I’ll kick you” are to be avoided.




Every brand, every product, needs a keyword to bring it to the top of Google search. Since all good keywords are already taken, marketers today will have to settle for oddities like “gardyloo,” “ambodexter,” “gallimaufry,” and “pismire.”


Contented marketing


Not to be confused with ‘content marketing,’ contented marketing is when the marketer feels that he or she has done enough for the day, calls it quits, and goes home to play video games and guzzle kale/acai smoothies. This is a very important concept to grasp, since marketers are among the world’s hardest workers — right up there with feather duster refurbishers and matchstick inspectors.




Marketers have to have something to show their clients that indicates success. Analytics are exactly what the clients needs — pie charts, graphs, different colored columns with all sorts of numbers (big ones) all over the place. That kind of stuff. Doesn’t have to mean anything at all, as long as it’s called analytics and the marketer charges the client and arm and a leg for doing it.